My experience with ME began suddenly in August 2004, appearing virtually overnight and without warning changing my life instantly. Initially I was suffering from glandular fever, which I was told would pass with rest, it didn’t and two months on I was a lot worse and was eventually told that I had an illness that could stay with me for life. This news was devastating to me as I was only 29 and had an extremely physical life. In fact just being told I had ME was the most traumatic thing I had ever experienced. I was in shock for months and just couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. It seemed like the more I fought the illness the worse I felt. Like most people with ME I tried to find answers on how to get over it but everything I read backed up the theory that you cannot recover, just learn to cope as best you can.
During the initial months of my illness I managed to keep working, after reducing my hours to a 3 day week and having time off when my legs could barely get me to my car. After following this routine for about four months with virtually no improvement I was starting to realize that what I was doing was keeping me ill. Everything about my life felt out of my control and no matter what I tried my body just didn’t want to respond. I tried; Acupuncture, Chinese herbs, an anti candida diet, meditation, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and positive visualization, amongst other things. Despite always being involved in one type of treatment or another, in many ways I’d resigned myself to the idea that you just don’t get over ME. Having this attitude was killing something inside of me, my love of life, and of myself and as the months went on I began to resent everyone who had a normal life and became more and more withdrawn. I desperately fought the feeling of helplessness for several months and was doing anything I could to keep a sense of normality in my life. Towards the end of the summer 2005 I was still struggling to find any kind of stability in my health.
Then in September 2005 I saw an advert for the optimum health clinic, with a letter from Alex talking about how he had actually got over ME. This was the first time I had heard of someone making a full recovery. All I ever needed to know was that it was possible and I could make it work for me. I instantly ordered the CD that I’d read about and listened to the interview with Alex about how he’d fought his way back to health. This was a revelation to me, finally there was hope. I listened to the interview 10 times taking great comfort from Alex’s theory about recovery and feeling instinctively that this approach to the illness was just what my body needed. The thing that fascinated me the most about what Alex was saying was that my mind was keeping me in a state of stress and preventing my bodies natural healing system from functioning properly. This made perfect sense to me as soon as I heard it. Without hesitation I made an appointment at the clinic with Nikki, one of the nutritionists there and also with Anna who deals with the Psychological side of the treatment. Even doing this made me feel better, giving me more proof that my mind was playing a big role in perpetuating my illness. The dietary side came naturally to me as I’d eaten various strict diets for many years. I made all the dietary changes straight away and added in all the living foods, giving my body much more nutrition than it had become used to.
I was extremely excited about my first session with Anna although I really didn’t know what to expect. Within the two hour session we talked about the many factors that were keeping my mind in a state of stress without me even knowing it. This included so many aspects of my basic daily routine, things that I would never have identified on my own. As we uncovered many of my stress triggers I was feeling as though I was really learning everything I needed to know to start my recovery. I found the general principal of calming my mind down into a healing state very simple. However, I knew it would not be easy to take myself from a near constant state of stress based on 13 months of illness, to a state of peace and healing. Taking on board all that I’d learned from Anna I spent the next few weeks practicing my technique. I just could not believe, when I really looked at my thoughts, just how panicked and stressed I had become through having ME. It was a revelation. I must admit I found it hard at first but slowly over the following weeks and months I managed to get into a peaceful healing state more and more easily. This steadily began to relieve my symptoms, starting with my insomnia and then improving my muscular pains and general feeling of health. The three months I have been having sessions with Anna have been extremely challenging and emotional for me and at times I’ve felt like I just wasn’t winning. But with Anna’s skill and knowledge I’ve quickly put my doubts into perspective. Also, when I look back at where I was when I started I realize just how far I have come. I am now feeling 80% well, with the odd off day but improving steadily. I now fully believe that I am well on the way to making a full recovery, something that I have dreamed about for so long, the end is in sight...
Phill has now made a full recovery and is featured in the upcoming DVD 'Freedom from M.E.'
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