Due to a major ME relapse I had in September 2003 (which came back with a vengeance may I add!) I lost all faith, hope, health and happiness from my life. Bed bound, unable to walk to the toilet and back without practically collapsing, I thought my life was over once again. Not only was I physically ill my mental health deteriorated just as much, the anxiety over everything was paralysing, the thought of being out of my bed was like a life sentence, just as it was when I was in bed. People who were not suffering as much as I was, I hated and envied. Just before Christmas 2003 I had had enough, no more suffering I was sick of being sick-trapped in this world that I called my life!
One of my major symptoms was insomnia even though I was permanently exhausted and was put on an 'elephant' dosage of sleeping tablets. I began to save them up, always making sure I took enough to guarantee at least a few hours of sleep! I was planning to take an overdose to rid me of my pain. I had just had enough. I wanted out, to be free. Just as I had counted them all up ready to take, I thought to myself-“This is not how my life is supposed to be - to end this way.” All I could think about was my family and friends, imagining never seeing them again – that to me was more scary than death itself.
It was do or die!
I decided do...I flushed them away.
I scraped the barrel and was on my way back. I was not going to be beaten. This is where my new journey begins. The next week or so my mum handed me this book-“WHY ME? My Journey from M.E. to Health and Happiness,” by Alex Howard. I swear it was fate, that book saved and has changed my life all around. I began to introduce what Alex had done in his book into my life. Getting out of bed everyday and walking one house at a time which would take ten minutes and rid me of all energy – everyday, rain or shine I slowly built up to 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc. houses until I reached the top of the road. That's the day I knew my fight and happiness was really in motion. I decided that when I was physically well and strong enough I would go up to Alex's clinic and see what else he could do for me.
My first appointment was 8th June 2004. The two hours seemed to pass by. It felt like Alex was my mirror, he understood everything I had been through. As we were discussing all my demons, my past friends, food, hatred of illness and consequences of it, Alex taught me various techniques to help free me from them. Alex made me feel so comfortable like a really close friend I could say anything to – no matter how silly, stupid or embarrassing they were. I left the session with hope! The freest I had been in years. Even though I was extremely exhausted afterwards it was so worth it.
Each session I went to I was feeling more in control of my body, mind and energy when I left and the following weeks to come. Learning and teaching myself what Alex had been teaching me. All my time and energy was now 100% onto this. My energy soared, my spirits raised sky high. I was now balancing my anxiety to the point of saying I can face and do anything. The sessions made me feel as though I can do anything, and I have! I have no symptoms left of M.E. I'm sculpturing my life now how I could never have imagined it to be. I have my health back and my happiness. From my sessions with Alex and sheer hard work and determination I went on holiday with my mum, dad and best friend Laura, and out of the four of us I was the one with the most energy! Also for the first time in three years I faced my most biggest fear: MEAT (as that it is what started my virus plus glandular fever). I used to have tremendous panic attacks from the thought of it. After three sessions I had done it. Eaten a piece of meat!
Alex challenged me in a way that I will be forever grateful to him. As he said he showed me the lock for my key – he has helped me unleash the key to my health, happiness and hope. Anybody that feels there is no way out of life with M.E. and will suffer for the rest of their lives is misled. Three years it has taken me to find Alex, and in as little as three months he has helped me change my life around.
All I can say is the worst thing that can happen is nothing and the best thing Alex can do is help you regain your life – the life you are dreaming of and help you make it happen.
Thank you so much Alex
Forever love to you
Sarah Barron
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